Adoptees and LDA/NPE - Grief and Loss
I like to compare this process to exploring a forest or other natural space. One might wander, revisiting the same stream or walking by the same tree time after time. The key is to keep moving emotionally so as not to get stuck, trusting that we will find our way and that the grief process is a natural part of our humanness. In the same way, one who is processing the grief and loss associated with their family, will not likely move through these stages in a linear fashion; rather they will go through the emotions and phases unique to them, possibly revisiting some more than once.
Shock and Denial:
LDA - feeling as though nothing has changed, and everything has changed. Adoptees and LDA's - shock, numbness, emotional avoidance; confusion, fear, relief, elation.
Anger and Rage:
Sometimes surprisingly intense feelings of anger, rage, and frustration. A sense that one has been betrayed by the people they were supposed to be able to trust the most.
Bargaining and Confusion:
Experiencing identity confusion, dissociation, disorganization, reviewing childhood memories, consideration of search and reunion; the search for meaning; reaching out for support; the desire to share ones story.
Depression and Sadness:
Experiencing prolonged sadness, anxiety, sleeping issues, fatigue, appetite changes, crying, loss of motivation or interest in life, questioning everything, hopelessness, guilt, loneliness, shame, overwhelm. It is common to cope by isolating oneself.
Acceptance:
Often thought of as the "end goal", when it is more of a gradual and lifelong process. One begins to explore forgiveness, compassion, and integration of new information and family members.
For more support, please visit my website for LDA/NPE's: www.latediscoveryadoptees.com